Does anyone think Stefan is portrayed as weak?

[thebabe20]

I'm not talking about physical strength, I mean in terms of character. Stefan seldom has heroic moments, he's mostly passive, some times passive aggressive, but not really the take charge kind of character, not really a hero. The most heroic thing Stefan's done was go off with Klaus to save Damon, which I don't think should be overlooked because it was definitely a big deal (more on that later). I think this season specifically the last episode, Stefan comes off as rather weak, a little cowardly, when I put things into perspective from the last episode.

Stefan's greatest weakness is his guilt, his self loathing. It's almost crippling, in fact it definitely is. I think it's because he craves approval so much. I remember last season when Damon was getting all the heat for saying he'd let Bonnie die to keep Elena alive, even if it's not her wish, and Stefan seemed very pro-Bonnie lives at the time. But was he really? In the last episode it seemed to me that Stefan understood that one of the Bennett's had to die to keep Elena alive, and he surely wasn't opposing it like he was in season 2. Why is that? Stefan is back to his old brooding self more or less, and he obviously cares again. The only differences being, he's already kind of sullied Elena's image of him, not to mention she wasn't actually there to witness him be noble and be "against" killing Bonnie or Abby.

All last season I said that if Stefan didn't have Damon to do the dirty work, he'd probably be forced to do it himself and I think this was proven kind of. Damon being around, means Stefan gets to keep his conscience clean and everything that needs to get done will get done, no matter how "bad" it's perceived to be. It's not that Stefan is against any of it, but that's what he's had Elena believe in the past, because he can't lose her approval. So he'd pretend to be disgusted at what Damon's done, but deep down he's happy Damon was there to do it.

Which is why I wasn't surprised to see that Damon was the one to turn Abby in the previous episode. Stefan is already guilt-ridden about so many other things that he's done in the last few months, and Damon did what any big brother would do, he tried to protect Stefan from more dirt on his conscience.

Another thing that makes me feel Stefan is a weak character is his inability to face his guilt and his problems. It's infuriating actually. I get the impression that Stefan puts his own pain above the people he's hurt and that's where I'm annoyed. So he closes himself off, so he won't have to deal with the guilt/pain, and what about the pain of those he's hurt? They can't just turn it off and decide not to feel it. These last few episodes Stefan's been all about his pain and his guilt, and how it's too much and how he rather not feel anything at all then to feel pain. I get the impression to him it's more important than the pain he's caused, and it has almost nothing to do with his victims. When you screw up, I think it's cowardly to sit around feeling bad for yourself, and not making an effort to reach out to those you've hurt to express your regret and make an effort to apologize. I think both Damon and Elena are enablers in regard to Stefan, because they feed right into it. Elena's seeking him out, when he's the one who hurt her, it's because he's closed himself off, and not allowed her to have that honest moment that they need to have in order for her to get any kind of closure or understanding of what's going on between them.

[Doppelgänger]

I agree with everything you said. The first thing I thought was how selfish he was being worrying about his own 'pain,' if he was to feel again because of the things he'd done. Hello? What about everyone you hurt, dude? What about their pain? It did seem cowardly to me to be honest but I'm not even remotely a Stefan fan. He has yet to apologize to Elena for the 'bridge' incident. Saying he went too far is NOT an apology in my book. The actual words, "I'm sorry," need to come out of his mouth. Why the heck hasn't he done that if he does feel sorry? We actually don't know if he does or if he just feels sorry for himself at this point. I mean, you look at his journal and it's all about self loathing, me, me and me. He needs to stop looking inside and start looking around him and fix THAT.

He is extremely lucky he has Damon around to do the dirty work, because if Damon wasn't around, Elena would be dead, as in D E A D. It's only because of Damon that she isn't, not because of Stefan. Damon gets all the flak while Stefan remains squeaky clean, or at least, did remain squeaky clean until the ripper decided to come out and play.

It was a huge betrayal in my book that Stefan snapped Damon's neck and I was annoyed they just brushed that aside in the show. All this time he's been telling Damon that Elena is now 'his' problem and then he goes and does that. wtf? I guess he only gets involved when there's major f***ery of Damon to be had and still Damon does his dirty work yet again with Abby. It's like he's been trained to pick up where Stefan will leave off. All we hear out of Stefan is, "It's your problem now," or "You can be in love with Elena all you want if it means you'll protect her..." or "Promise me whatever happens you'll protect her." What the heck is that? I mean, Elena was HIS girlfriend and HIS responsibility yet he happily handed that over to Damon and keeps handing it over to Damon, so Damon can do the hard stuff, get his ass handed to him, have Elena pissed off at him and all the while Stefan reaps the benefits and rewards of having the girl and keeping his hands clean.

UGH! I shouldn't even get started on Stefan. I could write a novel of the ways he annoys me.

[Slash]

Agree with the post. Stefan's current self-loathing/pity state is a telling characteristic of his character. He's feeling down on himself when he should be apologizing to the people he/that considers him a friend. Damon for dumping the entirety of the Elena thing in his lap along with the protection of those said friends because he felt Klaus took 'everything' from him (even if Damon would have done it anyways, that doesn't give Stefan the right to go on some vengeance trip because he knows Damon will be the buffer between those friends and Klaus' wrath), Alaric & Jeremy for nearly getting them killed, especially Alaric who's ring was acting faulty after the attempt and ultimately leading to Jeremy being sent away because he showed he could defend his family. Bonnie for leading down the road that freed Esther but lead to her mother getting killed to stop her (this is also kind of on Elena but Esther was part of Stefan's coffin plan so if he hadn't done that, Elena wouldn't have done her part later on) and Caroline for being bitten by Tyler and then going as far as betraying Elena's trust in him (the Bridge) just to get his point across to Klaus. But nope, it's all about 'Stefan'.

I think the guy worries a bit too much about his own image to others which is why he let Damon act the way he did for so long around Elena before even saying anything because Damon was helping to protect Elena, keeping his own hands/image clean in the process. I know Damon takes on the role of 'Big Brother' but Stefan knows how the guy is and still lets him do this stuff solely for his own benefit. I also see people bring up a quote about Stefan not caring if Damon was with Katherine first, but that Stefan just knew he wanted her. The guy just comes off as selfish and manipulative and it's why I never liked his character early on. The Ripper thing was a good thing IMO but they messed that up now that he's back to self-loathing.

The Ripper thing was one of those rare cases of Stefan doing the dirty work himself but at the same time, he was being as selfish as could be cause he didn't care what his actions did to the others. He's just horrible if you stand back and look at him and see everything, which isn't a luxury the other characters have sadly.

[thebabe20]

I think one of Stefan's biggest issues is his lack of awareness when it comes to everything around him. He's very self absorbed in a sense and I don't think it's entirely on purpose. When his own feelings come into play he's hardly capable of considering other people.

After you screw up as bad as Stefan did, you don't get the luxury of feeling sorry for yourself. It's time to put on your big boy pants and face the consequences and deal with the ramifications of what you did. I think this is what Stefan is trying to avoid, it's too painful looking at what he's done and how much he's messed up.

I just really want one of the characters to let him have it. This kind of behavior IMO is disrespectful to those he's hurt, because somehow he's managed to make it all about him, when he's the one who's hurt them. I think by not calling him out on his crap and trying to spare his feelings protect him Elena and Damon actually enable this kind of behavior. It's like Stefan is a child that must be coddled and shielded from the truth about himself.

This also reminds me of MMF and the subsequent episode after he bit that Amber girl. I got the impression that for Stefan it's all about his pain, and him having to face the fact that he's not the angelic vampire that he often wishes he can be. When he hurts people (whether it be intentional or not) he doesn't dwell too much on the pain of his victims, but manages to make everything about him.

I find it sad that Stefan seems to feel more pain/guilt about biting Elena (which was pretty much out of his control) than attempting to drive her off the bridge. If anything you'd think the latter would seem more wrong to him, but for some reason he feels more pain over something he could barely control, than the one thing he did while in complete control. I think this speaks to Stefan's self-loathing, he hates his vampire nature so much, that it's worst to him than any other crime he could have committed. He feels all this anguish over biting Elena, but he hardly apologized for terrorizing her with the bridge. This is what cements the fact that Stefan is all about his own pain for me.

Stefan's interactions with Damon & Elena are starting to make more sense to me. I think Stefan loves Damon and Elena but not the right way. He can't possibly begin to love them right until he can learn to at least accept himself. That's what's define their relationship, Damon is probably everything Stefan hates about himself, how can you expect him to treat Damon with any kind of respect? It's the reason Stefan's opinions of Damon and what he's capable of seem so jaded. Stefan doesn't really know his brother the way he should, which is why he's all too comfortable allowing Damon to play the role of the bad guy, and he's far too willing to believe that Damon is. All those little snide remarks he makes about Damon not being good enough or Elena being sure as hell better off without Damon is nothing more than Stefan's hatred of himself seeping out of their every interaction.

He loves Elena too but not the right way either. He has her way up high on a pedestal that she doesn't belong on. He sees her as someone he could only be deserving of if he's good enough by his own standards. And we all know what those ridiculous standards are. it's a very warped view of love. I get the impression Stefan is looking for the exact same thing that he sought out in Katherine in 1864. "His angel." This girl that is all pure and good. He had Katherine on that exact same pedestal until she revealed her true nature to him. I think Stefan doesn't understand that Elena isn't perfect and she isn't all that is good in the universe, and being with her shouldn't be about setting ridiculous standards for himself. And feeling undeserving of her if he happens to fail. I wonder how Stefan would react if and when he finally gets to see Elena out of that little box he's placed her in, exhibiting less than "good" behavior. How would he react? I don't think Stefan's ever gotten a taste of who Elena really is as a whole, not just the good aspects of her character.

It makes sense to me why Stefan doesn't think his brother is worthy. Stefan doesn't feel worthy himself, despite how hard he's tried to be "good," so how could he ever see Damon as good enough when Damon at least accepts himself for what he is and lives his life accordingly?

[Doppelgänger]

Stefan is precisely the type of man I can't stand in real life but I will tell you this, the ones I have known like him, are pretty steadfast and stay married so I guess it works for someone. It wouldn't work for me as I'd want to remove his head from his shoulders....or perhaps his butt cheeks would be more appropriate...

This is why I'm single and probably will remain so.

How's THAT for devil's advocate?

[yakumasterant]

Hi I'm new here
I have never been a Stefan fan but I have never hated him either. I don't really think that he's in any way "lucky" that Damon has to do the dirty work for him.. One example is probably turning Abby into a vampire. But I don't think that Stefan wouldn't have done if it was left to him to do it it or that he is glad or "lucky" at all. We're forgetting the fact that Stefan loves Damon very much because Damon after all is his big brother. He wouldn't just feel lucky if Damon does something for him.

Yeah, the betrayal part was quite bad, I agree . But both Stefan and Damon betray each other once in a while, especially when it comes to Elena. But blood is thicker than water, so no matter what I think they will always love each other

Stefan has been weak sometimes and sometimes strong. He's not that simple He's not a coward. He has a conscience and that's why he hates himself for doing so many bad things in the past. I can't really consider him weak. Would he be strong then if he had decided to brush aside all his horrible deeds?

He can be seen as strong because no matter what, he never gives up on Damon, and neither does Damon. I think their relationship keeps him strong mostly