Analysis #1 Written by a Stelena fan so bear that in mind as you read it and comment below. I had written a huge comment then accidentally deleted it...grrrrr....anyway, this is her analysis of Damon. I'll add more as I come across them and comment on them:
stelenabeautymyessays.tumblr.com/post/32925356880/will-the-real-damon-salvatore-please-stand-upWill The Real Damon Salvatore Please Stand Up?
Before I begin this article I want to say that this is long and so I hope you’ll bear with me and I also want to be completely up front about the content of this piece because it will be tagged properly. This means everyone is going to see it and so you’ve been warned. This piece is not about DE vs SE, It is not about Damon vs Stefan. It is not about why a particular pairing is better than the other. There will be mention of Stefan and Elena, yes but not in terms of ship wars. This piece is totally dedicated to an up to date character analysis of Damon Salvatore and I believe any of his fans might be interested in what I have to say. You may not agree with some of my points and that’s fine but in no way, shape, or form is this post meant to hate on the character of Damon Salvatore but to explore him in depth up till this point in the series. If you are a highly sensitive fan already attached in your view of this character then you may want to happily skip this post although I encourage you to take a look because I believe there is something to Damon other than what’s being perceived. So if you decide to, then happy reading
I’ve done a piece once before on Damon Salvatore and there’s going to be a little of that shining into this one but I have since connected the dots on several other things in order to delve a bit further into this character. I always knew there was something more that I wasn’t getting and I believe I’ve been able to touch upon what that is. Now, I’m going to be the first to state here that not everything I’m about to write could be completely accurate and is merely my own opinion on what I see happening. There will be no bias here and it is my true intent to show complete and utter honesty in regards to this character.
So let’s start from the very beginning. 1864. One thing that stands out more than anything else in many of these flashbacks is Damon’s love for Katherine. He was so completely consumed in love with her. He accepted everything she was, he reveled in her, he wanted her. So much in fact, that he was willing to live an eternity with her as a vampire. What really stands out to me about all of this is when he was in transition and he thought Katherine was dead. He had no plans of going through with the transition.
(1x20)
Damon: It was all to be with Katherine. She’s gone. I want it over.
This was why he had no intention of carrying out his plans for vampire life. It was all for her. If she wasn’t around then what was the point? Some people saw this as a romanticized point of view. What I see it as is Damon choosing a life based completely on love. Damon didn’t make that choice for himself. He made it for her. He made it for love.
(1x13)
Elena: You know I really think that Damon believes that everything he’s done, every move he’s made he’s done for love.
(2x22)
Damon: All those years I blamed Stefan. No one forced me to love her. It was my own choice. I made the wrong choice.
Damon’s decision to become a vampire had much more to do with love, and not so much about the idea that he was truly wanting that for him. Loving Katherine and being with her served a purpose in life for Damon. He seemed to have no other purpose for himself other than to love and be with Katherine. If he didn’t have that then he had no interest in continuing to live on. His idea of happiness for the rest of eternity was all wrapped up in a life with her. He put every ounce of himself into that notion and once it was gone he just didn’t care anymore. After Stefan coerced him into turning he completely put his energy into hating Stefan. He could have taken the ring off, or had someone stake him but he chose to live. He found another purpose. Hating Stefan, and then pining after Katherine. This gave him something to focus on. The next 50 years Damon spent being bitter and pissed off. If he wasn’t being consumed by love he was also being consumed by other emotions as well. There was no joy in his existence. He was supposed to be enjoying it with Katherine, not being miserable. He practically seemed like a robot. He trudged on letting all his pain, and bitterness swallow him. He fed on those to satisfy his hunger simply stating ‘ I was hungry, now I am not.’
(2x15)
Lexi: You know the hate your feeling towards Stefan, towards everyone? You think you have it under control but you don’t. It will get the best of you.
Enter Sage. She taught Damon how to enjoy being a vampire. Damon learned to embrace the dark side and have fun with it. He never really went back. This was Damon’s outlet. His morphine, if you will. I almost see it as a sort of diversion for Damon. It allowed him to ignore himself even more than he already was. He found a way to bide his time, and really come into his own way of ‘dealing.’ This made things more tolerable—more fun. He liked it. Damon found yet another focus—being a vampire. And he was good at it. You could almost say that this was one big deflection tactic. This was all giving Damon a sense of purpose to make everything seem less lonely, and boring, and avoid the bigger picture. For Damon, he found ‘answers’ in the dark.
Things only get more fascinating from here. If you’ve stayed with me this far I’m getting closer to my big point. Once Damon found out that Katherine had never been in the tomb and ‘didn’t care’ he lost his biggest focal point. He lost that connection—that purpose. He was greatly pained and then found distractions in alcohol and women. Then an interesting thing happened. Damon seemed to actually become a bit of a different person. That started in 1x17 with Stefan’s kidnapping and went all the way till the end of 1x22. His friendship with Elena was blossoming and he teamed up with Alaric in regards to Isobel and actually became pretty helpful. The thing about Damon losing the one thing he spent 145 years obsessing over is that he was going to have to find a way to move on, and figure out what was going to come next in his life. I always found the scene in 1x22 when he kisses Katherine very significant because he needed something, or someone to move on to.
Damon: Somewhere along the way you thought I was worth saving. And I wanted to thank you for that.
That’s a pretty strong indication that he had no self-worth, and that someone believing that he was worth it was meaningful to him because no one else had really given him that in a very long time. And he really, really soaked that up. He soaked it up so much that he kissed her. He lost the one thing that gave him hope and when he found out that his hopes meant nothing because she ‘didn’t care’ it was only more distressing for him. Because no one seemed to really care about him. His father couldn’t be bothered. Katherine was a no-go. Stefan was at odds with him. But Elena….Elena showed that she could care about him. Someone made him feel validated in his own existence when it seemed lost. At this point we are being led to believe that Damon is actually in love with Elena. So here’s where things take a deeper and more interesting turn. At the end of the next episode Katherine has him cornered. Her seductive talents lure Damon in and just when things get going he puts on the brakes because there’s just one thing he needs to know. One thing he’s been desiring for a century and a half.
(2x1)
Damon: I have just one question. Answer it and it’s back to fireworks and the rocket’s red glare. Answer it right and I’ll forget about the last 145 years I’ve been missing you. I’ll forget how much I loved you. I’ll forget everything, and we can start over. This could be our defining moment because we have the time—this beauty of eternity…
….But she completely obliterates him. The one thing he wanted was to be loved, to be important enough, to be chosen. Damon then finds himself in Elena’s bedroom, toasted. He begins to force himself on her and trying to convince her that she has feelings for him because the man is thirsty. It’s one of those moments where you see that he’s wrong in what he’s doing to Elena but when I watch this I get a lump in my throat because his desperation is just so painful to watch. And I don’t mean that harshly. I’m just being truthful. There’s such a huge significance to what was happening here. And the big point I have been leading to is that Damon looks to others for a sense of purpose, a sense of self, and ultimately a sense of validation in his existence. But he does all this without taking a deeper look at himself. Damon has a huge disconnect internally and ultimately refuses to look within for a little soul searching. He does not know the art of reflection. He does not delve into himself on a deeper level to ask the questions ‘Who am I? What do I really want out of life? Who do I want to be?’ Instead he feeds from others to gain a sense of emotional wellbeing and purpose. But it is false. He relies on the external rather than the internal. He opted for vampire life out of love instead of wanting that for himself. He hated Stefan instead of looking at himself. He took on Sage’s advice without looking at himself. He looked for purpose and validation from Elena and Katherine without looking within. He piggy-backs between Katherine and Elena in such small spaces of time because of his desperation for any of them to quench his thirst. He was willing to leave Elena behind and run off into the sunset with Katherine if she only had said yes. Extremely significant moments there. He looks to others in order to feed his needs instead of looking to himself first. As long as he has something to focus on he doesn’t have to focus on himself. Stefan even once mentioned Damon going from one obsession to another.This is actually very reminiscent of the exchange between Stefan and Klaus in 3x18.
Klaus: What’s wrong with you?! Do you really have no appreciation for me? I have given you someone to hate—to loathe. A target for all of your anger so you don’t have to turn it on yourself.
Later…
Stefan: Hating Klaus was easy. It allowed me to ignore everything that was happening around me. Everything I let slip away. Now I have to deal with that.
Stefan used Klaus to hate him, and take revenge because he didn’t want to actually be honest and look inside of himself. He didn’t want to have to actually face himself and everything he had done. The difference here is that Stefan finally picked up on this after Klaus’s revelation. He actually owned up to that, and faced it. Damon doesn’t do this. He practically avoids it like the plague. The closest Damon came to reflection and redemption was on his death bed in 2x22. Death was what got him to look at himself. Unfortunately living instead didn’t exactly give Damon the newest lease on life. He still faces that disconnect. As long as he uses the energy of others to ignore what’s really happening underneath then he’ll always be miserable. As long as he’s feeding off what others are willing to give in order to make him feel validated he’ll never truly feel happy. And I’ll explain why.
As if all that isn’t conflict enough, Damon actually has no idea what he’s doing. He doesn’t realize what’s happening and because of that he then finds himself in some real conflict with people he feeds from. Namely Elena. The main person Damon takes energy from is her. I think if Elena didn’t give a crap about Damon no one else would either to be honest except of course Stefan. He’s his brother. But the point is Elena is practically the only one that really gives him the time of day. She cares about him, and worries about him. She doesn’t want anything bad to happen to him. But when that becomes clear Damon soaks that up completely. When she hands out her forgiving and compassionate nature it’s making him feel that validation again—that purpose or sense of self—something to go after. Once he experiences this—-he’s going to want her. He isn’t going to want to lose her. He relies so much on what she’s willing to give that he’s practically dependent on it. There’s a deeper reason that he needs her forgiveness or can’t stand the idea of her hating him forever. And I sincerely hope I am not coming off as though he doesn’t actually care about the girl, it’s just more about the fact that there’s an energy in her that’s like a drug to him. He’s going to want to be with her—-to love her, and have her love him. The conflict happening is that he isn’t the person that she wants him to be. And because of that there’s a power struggle happening. He enjoys what she’s willing to offer that makes him feel better about himself but he’s conflicted because he isn’t the guy he needs to be for her. There are two scenes from season 2 that illustrate this extremely well and one those scenes happens to be one that is probably very underrated and doesn’t get looked at too deeply.
(2x12)
Damon: I’m lost.
Jessica: You’re lying in the middle of the road.
Damon: Not that kind of lost—metaphorically, existentially. I have a secret. A big one. But I’ve never said it out loud. I mean, what’s the point? It’s not going to change anything. It’s not going to make me ‘good.’ I can’t be what other people want me to be. I can’t be what she wants me to be. This is who I am Jessica.
Jessica: Are you going to hurt me?
Damon: I’m not sure because you are my existential crisis. Do I kill you, or do I not kill you? But I have to Jessica because I’m not human, and I miss it. I miss it more than anything in the world. That is my secret. But there’s only so much hurt a man can take.
This scene really gets me because it just sends chills down my spine for many reasons. Here he is contemplating weather or not he’ll murder this girl and yet…I felt for him. It’s so twisted. That’s what fiction will do. Somehow you’ll find yourself feeling this compassion for what’s happening to characters internally when what they are doing is just monstrous. But I felt it here because Damon says it. He’s lost. He’s experiencing an existential crisis. Damon went from practically being a drone after he was turned to being taught how to enjoy the dark side. It allowed him to ignore everything else. He embraced the dark nature of being a vampire and relished in its perks. The reason Damon is so conflicted is because this girl is feeding his emotional ‘well-being’ but she’s also trying to change him into a person he’d rather not be which is causing an internal battle on the inside.
(2x13)
Damon: I need a distraction. I have a problem that I need help with. It’s really messing with my mind. I’m in love with a woman I can never have. I’m in love with her, and it’s driving me crazy. I’m not in control.
Andie: You don’t trust yourself around her?
Damon: I don’t trust myself around anyone. I’m bad Andie. I do things. I kill people.
Andie: Why do you kill people?
Damon: Because I like it. It’s in my nature. It’s who I am. But then I have to stay together to protect her, and she wants me to be the better man which means that I can’t be who I am. Do you see the problem I’m having Andie?
Andie: Well maybe this is who you are now. Love does that, Damon. It changes us.
Damon: Stop talking.
This scene is also significant and goes hand in hand with the previous one. Damon does not want to face himself. He doesn’t want to face that maybe, just maybe he isn’t just the ‘bad guy’ he sees himself as or perceives himself to be. He finds a certain peace in the concept of darkness because then he doesn’t have to face pain, regret, guilt. He’s not completely willing to come out of that and ask himself who he really wants to be because when it’s brought up in this scene by the lovely Andie that maybe he’s something different he tells her to stop talking. It’s so much more about him than it is about Elena or anyone else at this point. He closes off the possibility that he’s more than that because sometimes the scariest thing to do is look at yourself. I just don’t feel that Damon ever took the time for some real questioning and reflection of why things are the way they are. He’s looking for answers in the wrong places. Once Damon stops putting all his energy in what he thinks he is or what he thinks he should be for other people then he can actually start getting somewhere. But let’s take a look at S3.
(3x2)
Elena: Yes, I worry about you. Why do you even need to hear me say it?
Damon: Because when I drag my brother from the edge and deliver him back to you I want you to remember the things you felt when he was gone.
Ok when I first watched this moment I completely missed what had happened there. It didn’t phase me actually but when I embarked on my little journey to Damon/DE land I got to this scene and was totally confused. I had no idea where Damon even pulled that little line from. I didn’t get it. I was thinking ‘What happened between 2x22 and the end of 3x2 that Elena is supposed to be thinking about how she feels about Damon? That’s when I paid more attention and caught that he was trying to get her to admit that she cared about him and worried about him. Honestly Damon had no real reasoning to believe she wanted him, or even loved him. Nothing was giving off that indication. He wanted to know that she cared. More validation— something more to make him feel good. That is just so much of what Damon is after. He wants the satisfaction of knowing she cares. Only Damon takes that to the extreme. He’s feeding off her again. He takes it to mean something more than what it was really meant to. Just because Elena cares about him doesn’t mean she’s supposed to focus on that or think that it means more. Again he’s focusing on someone else to give him what he needs instead of figuring things out for himself. What’s he going to do with Elena once he ‘gets’ her? Has he even thought that far ahead? He’s desperate for her affections and he’s taking whatever she’ll give because he craves it. Moving on…
(3x4)
Elena: You can’t do this anymore Damon, not in this town—not around me.
Damon: Why not? Nothing I haven’t done before. Why is it suddenly so important for everyone to keep me in check?
Elena: Because I don’t want you to be what other people think that you are.
Damon: What? A monster? Sorry to disappoint you Elena, but the last time I checked I was still a vampire.
Elena: I guess I just wish that you didn’t have to act like one.
Damon: I am not Stefan. How about you stop trying to turn me into him?
Very, very significant argument here. Damon still does not want to relinquish that control. He’s saying ‘I’m a vampire. Deal with it. This is what we do.’ She’s saying ‘you don’t have to.’ Big power struggle here. He’s still identifying himself as the bad guy and he is what he is. Well, that’s not everything that he is. This is just more Damon trying to fight like hell to do what feels good, and what feels natural. And of course we see more conflict between them as a result. Two episodes ago he’s having this moment with her where she’s caring about him and then they’re fighting because of who he is versus who she wants him to be. And the interesting part is that you might think Damon should start asking some of those questions to himself. Why do I love her? Am I really this person? Who should I be? What does this all really mean? But he doesn’t. He doesn’t dig deeper he just keeps on going and eventually starts to succumb to her ways a little bit. But he never fully does that. We see it go back and forth. He’s doing it for her. He won’t cut ties with her because she means too much to him. He isn’t being ‘that guy’ for her because he really, really wants to. It’s because she wants him to, or needs him to. Once more it’s about her. Is it really about who he is deep down? Is he really at peace with that? Is he really at peace with who she is? No. He’s not. The longer he deflects the real issue the more unhappy and miserable he’ll be.
(3x22)
Damon: If it was just down to him and me, and you had to make the choice of who got the goodbye—-who would it be?
This just might be the biggest one of them all. This is the big ‘wrap-up’ if you will. In Damon’s possible last moments is he telling her that he loves her? Is he telling her how much she means to him? No. He wants to know if he would have been chosen. Very, very telling moment for who Damon is right now, what’s important to him, and the deeper meaning of it all. It’s what he’s always wanted. He wants to be someone’s first choice—their only choice. He’s looking for someone to make him feel loved and worthy. But he has none for himself. Instead of reflecting on that and dealing with it he’s trying to score it from someone else. It’s why he consumes her. It’s always been about something, or someone else. He never really takes that good, hard look in the mirror.
What Damon understands is that he is a vampire. He understands that he has pain, and suffering. He understands that he doesn’t want to stop being what he is because it’s better than the alternative. He finds no joy in that. He hides in the dark and fights to hold onto to that because otherwise he’d have to face himself and the big question of ‘who am I?’ That is something he desperately wants to avoid. He understands that he deflects. But he doesn’t understand that he is looking for happiness in the wrong places right now. He knows that he wants love, and acceptance. He knows that he feels unloved and unworthy. But he’s looking for the big ‘fix’ in every place but one—-himself. First Damon has to soul search a little. He needs to understand who he is and who he wants to be rather than thinking there’s only one facet to that ‘self.’ And Damon will need guidance with that in some way or another. Maybe it’s an event that leads him to ponder the mystery of himself, or maybe it’s a person that guides him. Either way that’s the first step for Damon and it’s one that he’s having an enormously difficult time coming to. He believes one person is the answer to all this problems. It isn’t. It’s ok to feel that someone gives you more purpose, or that this person truly fulfills you. It’s ok for someone to make you feel good, and relish that. It’s ok to want love, and strive for love. All of that is perfectly ok. Damon is no different in those regards. In no way am I suggesting that Damon’s ending should be something other than what will truly make him happy, but he needs to dig deep to find what that will be. It starts on the inside and goes from there. Once he has a sense of true self—-anything is possible for Damon Salvatore.
